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I’ve been wondering how I would announce the gender of our child once we found out. My initial thought? If it’s a girl, I’d deck out my website in pink with balloons floating around. For a boy? I drew a blank. That thought barely lasted a few seconds before I cringed at myself for boxing our child-to-be into stereotypical colors. Honestly, I’ve loved pink for ages. I still remember a primary school shopping trip when I confidently asked the saleswoman for pink undergarments. She responded with, “Are you Muslim?” To this day, I’m unsure what led her to that conclusion.

Let me confess: the whole “gender business” has been a work in progress for me. During my time at D.School pursuing my Master’s, I had a few feminist friends who weren’t shy about pointing out when my remarks were sexist. At first, I’d think, “What on earth are they talking about?” Over time, it shifted to, “Oh no, did I actually say that?” Those years marked the beginning of my concrete gender education.

Even before D.School, I pushed back against rigid roles. My father always encouraged me to embrace individuality, and in high school, the philosopher Jiddu Krishnamoorthy (JK) helped me see that predefined roles were a major source of unhappiness. Later, my feminist friends highlighted how societal boundaries around women’s lives curtailed their freedom and happiness – And here I was, pondering pink balloons for an unborn child!

Discovering gender through marriage

Fast forward to marriage, which has a way of upending even the best sociological training. Dr. K and I had plenty of differences, many of them gendered. Though she defies most stereotypes about women, she introduced me to new ones—ones where women were unquestionably superior. “Men just can’t multitask,” she’d declare. “Where would humanity be without women juggling work and child-rearing? We’d all be extinct.” I still haven’t figured out how to reconcile these positive portrayals of women with the stereotyping they perpetuate.

For instance, every time a Porsche zooms past, Dr. K confidently declares, “That’s a man having a mid-life crisis. Why buy an expensive car that breaks down all the time?” I’d smile silently, knowing the driver was often a woman. Not all is doomed for little boys out there!

Of course, her stereotypes aren’t flawless either. One day, we were behind a Porsche with a male driver at a red light. As the signal turned green, the Porsche stayed put for about 1.5 seconds. “What are you waiting for, a sign from God?” she yelled. So much for patience being a women’s virtue.

Making choices for an unborn child

The good news? We’re on the same page about raising a child who has the courage to pursue their values, unshackled by crushing societal boundaries. We hope to teach our child to make choices thoughtfully and with kindness toward others. Our dream is to expose them to life’s daily wonders and help them find happiness in the little things.

That said, I have my own quirks. I’m pretty conservative about names—a boy’s name for a boy and a girl’s name for a girl. I’d struggle to call a boy “Rachel.” There’s no logic to it, just a bit of stubborn conservatism I’ve come to accept.

Knowing the gender of our child now, I’ve been brainstorming names. When I asked Dr. K what qualities she’d want in a name, she said it should be under nine letters and easy to pronounce. I told her that I have a name that fits perfectly. Instead of being curious, she became nervous: “I don’t want our child named Apple or Google,” she said. Fair enough—we’re not quite ready to finalize a name yet anyway.

Meanwhile, Dr. K has gone into planning overdrive. She’s researching schools, setting up college funds, drafting our wills—the works. At this rate, she’ll have everything planned for our child’s life (and ours) by the time we’re 40. I’m think that she’ll start planning our afterlives next.

But for now, her focus has shifted to clothing. Two weeks ago, before we knew the baby’s gender, she decided we needed to stock up on baby clothes.  On the way to the store, she proudly declared that she didn’t believe in gender stereotypes such as boys should not play with Barbie dolls. Once we arrived, she tasked me with finding neutral outfits since we didn’t yet know the gender. I picked out a pink onesie and a festive red coat. “I don’t mind boys wearing pink,” I told her. She was mortified that other shoppers might hear. Turns out, she’s still a believer in boys’ clothes for boys and girls’ clothes for girls.

Now that we know the gender, the shopping has continued—but I’ll leave you with a picture of one adorable outfit Dr. K picked for our soon-to-be bundle of joy. This should finally answer the question you’ve been waiting for.